aumdadaGospel 12: this and thou

There was a general store a mile north on the state highway where most of our needs during the week were satisfied. Often we would walk that mile just for something to do. By early afternoon, all the attractions of the lake and shore had dimmed, so we would pull on socks and sneakers, ask our parents if they needed any supplies, and even if they didn’t, walk that mile up the highway, looking forward to some snack or drink or whatever worldly itch which required rubbing or scratching.

The general store itself was small but contained a spectrum of provisions from worms to steak, and a cornucopia of packages and cans in-between. There was a soda machine outside, and a rack of candy, cakes, and chips standing by the counter inside. There was also a small newspaper stand with comic books and copies of Mad Magazine. For my purposes, these three regions provided everything I needed—a can of Coke, a bag of chips, and the latest Spiderman. No thou! Or no thou, that is, until Jane appeared in my life.

The summers could be divided into ‘before Jane’ and ‘after Jane.’ And ‘after Jane’ evolved into a crowd of beautiful faces, each one becoming the flavor of the day, week, or month. But Jane was the first, and not in some sexual way, because that was not to be, and not in some kind of childlike crush, because there had been plenty of those before, but in a manner much more mysterious and human. It felt like a dream when I was with Jane.

That dream turned into a summer night on a beach with a bonfire rising to the stars. A circle of friends glowed in the flickering light. Around the flames, a spark of something illicit but delightful was being passed from person to person. Jane was sitting with me on a blanket and we were talking about nothing much, just listening instead to our voices slowly intertwining. That was something enough. The night grew colder, the stars larger, and the bonfire smaller. At first, we found our arms around each other. Then we discovered we were kissing. Before we knew it, we were lying on the blanket in a remarkable embrace, lost within that timeless unbounded expanse of utterly nothing but thou.